[A]s I sit here and write, I am listening to my 6-year-old daughter and her best friend play fashion designer. Naturally playing in their creative energy and leaning into their feminine power, it makes me reflect on my own childhood. Surrounded by boys, having grown up with two brothers and predominantly male cousins, playing house or dolls was often overruled for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Ghostbusters. In my family, being a “girly-girl” was subconsciously discouraged and to fit in I had to toughen up and found myself leaning into my masculine attributes often.
Having such strong male influence, in my formative years, has served me well in my career in sales but I often wonder where I would be if I had more opportunities to explore my creative nature and explore my emotions instead of toughening up, to fit in. Would my teenage years have been less awkward, or would I have chosen a different career path? Perhaps, but would I would change any of it if I could go back? Nope!
I believe that in life, we are presented with a path that will allow us to learn the lessons we need to learn in this lifetime. It is important for us to go through these experiences, however hard and uncomfortable, to get the lessons we need to grow and develop. Looking back therefore, is a way to put a new perspective on past experiences and in my retrospection, I was able to see how each role, the feminine and the masculine, had played out in my life.
I am also not discounting the importance of masculine energy. Masculine and feminine energies are present in each of us and we are required to draw upon both energies at different times. We do authentically tend to identify with one energy more than the other, regardless of our gender, however outside forces, such as family, career, and society can impact this natural tendency and cause us to go against our true nature.
Masculine energy is more aggressive and ambitious in nature. We are more predominately working within our masculine energy when we are in our ‘do’ mode. Focusing on our careers and keeping busy with life’s endless tasks, requiring us to be more logical and strategic.
Feminine energy is more reflective and inward in nature. It draws upon our more soft and nurturing qualities and when in our feminine energy we allow life to flow more freely.
As I mentioned, I chose the very male dominated career of sales as my profession. I was never entirely fulfilled with this choice, but I prided myself on my drive and ambition, and enjoyed the money and lifestyle it afforded me. I would keep myself busy with work or social events to avoid looking at what was causing me to feel unsettled, although deep down I knew. Alcohol and food also did a great job of covering up my emotions and I would often resort to these coping mechanisms.
I finally made the decision a couple of years ago to start showing up in my life by systematically addressing the different areas that were out of balance. It became clear to me, through this process, that by turning into my masculine energy, I was turning away from my feminine energy and this was a contributing factor in feeling so disconnected with myself.
Upon making this discovery I have witnessed the beauty in my femininity and regained a sense of power and awareness that I don’t remember ever processing before.
To help me get to this place, there were a few areas that I focused on. I have listed below some of those areas that helped me re-establish the connection to my femininity?
Meditation is such a powerful tool, it definitely deserves its own blog or two! It is intimidating to begin meditating, but just a couple of deep belly breaths can make all the difference to your day. There are so many different options for meditation available and so many resources online to help you get started. Have fun with it, test out different methods and see what works best for you. The goal is not to completely clear your mind of thoughts, but to stop engaging in them. You want to be able to notice when a thought appears but be able to just look at it and then let it go – think of clouds in the sky. This is not easy, especially at first but it is like a muscle and with practise your ability to disengage with your thoughts becomes stronger. By disengaging from your thoughts, you gain a new insight into the nature of your mind and form a different relationship with your thoughts. Meditation has allowed me to see my life through a different lens. I was able to bring awareness to how I was suppressing my femininity and insight as to why I was doing this. This has in turn, allowed me the space to start to make changes.
Creativity is a key element in feminine energy. As women, we are the ultimate creators, we posses within our bodies the ability to create and bear life. So really, any form of creativity is linked to feminine energy and for me one of the easiest way to connect to that energy is through dance. I often throw on some tunes and dance with my daughter. Ecstatic dance is a fantastic way to connect to yourself and your feminine energy. If you are unfamiliar with ecstatic dance, it is a free form dance where you let go of all your inhibitions and just allow the music to take over and move freely. It allows you to get out of your head and reconnects you to your body and your true essence. I have not yet had the chance to attend an organized event but there is one on my neighborhood that I plan to attend very soon. I have tried this in my living room and found it very effective – so liberating.
Connect with Female Friends
Over the past few years, I have found myself surrounded by a lot of male friends. A natural symptom of the industry I was working in but also a result of unconsciously allowing my masculine energy to dominate. By reconnecting with my female friends, and even reaching out and nurturing new female friendships, I have found a renewed sense of femininity. Having a support system of strong nurturing women is important – so powerful. You can’t put a price on authentic female connection, one without judgment or competition, where there is a true desire to see each other flourish. We as women need to stand together and cheer each other on in a supportive and loving nature. We need a common understanding that we are all doing our best with what we have and that a little love and support from our sisters could help us all thrive a little more in our true nature.
These are just some ideas of ways you can start to reconnect to your feminine energy, if you find you have been favoring your masculine energy lately and need to balance yourself out. Remember life is fluid and you will find that at times your need more masculinity and other times femininity but if your feeling out of sorts or unbalanced sit still for a little and reflect on your life and see if there are any areas that need attention.